Evie and I, well we made visiting my Grandma a part of our daily routine. Patrick, Carson, and Laney got to see her at least every week as well and that was fantastic, but for me and Evie, our days were MADE just getting to spend time with my Nana. She had the third room down on the left from the doors we went in so every day Evie would walk by each room and ask, "Nana?", and I would reply, "Not this room" with a smile, until we'd get to Nana's room and I would respond, "Here's Nana's room!". She totally knew what room we were going to but it was a fun game. Everson walked the halls of Nana's place like she owned the place. Often times Evie would tip toe in and sneak right up to Nana's chair and say, "Boo!". Of course Nana knew we were there when we opened the door but she always smiled and jumped, acting surprised. Nana was usually able to pick up Evie from the floor to give her kisses, sometimes Evie would tickle Nana's feet, sometimes we all played blocks, and sometimes she'd just dance around for her . If we were visiting at lunch time Everson would get to ride on Nana's electric wheel chair and honk her horn in the hall way. That was probably Evie's favorite. Nana always referred to Evie as "Little Bits", which I loved. Watching Evie at the very beginning of her life on this Earth interacting and loving on my Grandma as her time was nearing an end, was, well I can't even think of a word good enough so I guess it was indescribable. It was something that I etched in my mind daily, knowing it was all just too good to be true and never knowing when that time would come to an end.
Nana always had a candy dish full for the big kids and she liked to save a cookie from the cafeteria for Everson. Everson would always check the table next to Nana's chair for a bowl of fruit and hit that up too if it was available. Carson enjoyed watching whatever game show Nana had on and talking to her about the rules and how he wants to be on a show and win money one day. Laney always asked to use Nana's IPAD and she'd snuggle up on the couch and watch her videos and chat with her. Laney liked to take Nana special treats like cookies or muffins that we had baked together. Patrick and her always chatted about baseball or whatever sport was in season. She was always so up on her sports.
Getting to see my Grandma so often and having my family be such a big part of her last couple years was honestly the pleasure of my life. I feel so grateful, like I hit the jackpot of jackpots, the highs of our time together recently makes this time sting a bit more than I think it normally would have but I'll take it all day long. I'm hopeful Carson and Laney will remember the time they spent with their Nana, and Everson, well she'll be asking for Nana for a long time. When she says her name asking to stop there now (which is still numerous times a day), it takes the air right out of my lungs. When I tell her we can't see her today she says, "See? See?", which means 'we'll see' and then I answer, "Yes Evie, we'll see" and then she sits back and smiles. What's going to be even more heartbreaking is the day she stops asking to go to Nana's. I'm dreading that day even more. I know she won't remember her in the physical form, but I believe Everson will carry her Nana's love and strength with her as the years go by. That just can't be erased. I truly believe they will always have a connection somehow.
As my Grandma's life was coming to an end, I was able to take Everson to the hospital for one last visit. It was a good day for my Grandma and the nurses will tell you that she just lit up when she saw Evie come into the room. She did that every time so I was quite used to it but it was so nice to see during this time. I'll remember that day forever. The day after was the day I went in to say good-bye to her. As painful as it was, I will be forever grateful that I was given the opportunity to talk to her and hold her hand in those final hours. When I knew she was still listening I got right up in her ear and told her I always wanted to live by her my whole life and I thanked her for coming here and living by me. I told her I loved her. She knew she was surrounded by love. My Dad was there saying prayers and my Mom never left her bedside that last day and night. And by the way my Mom (your Grandma), wow, I've never witnessed the type of unselfish raw love that I have from her these past couple years. She gave up all of herself to care for her mother and make sure she was happy and safe. She was in charge of doctors appointments, medications, bathing times, hair do's, she spent the night there on a mini couch night after night when she felt like Grandma needed her to, she spent the night in hospitals, she gave up sleep, gave up vacations, gave up dinners, gave up time with friends, gave up time with my Dad, put her life on hold, I could go on and on but she wouldn't want me to because she did it so graciously. It's like she never even thought twice about any of it. I don't think I could have done it all. I don't know how she did honestly. She was there for my Grandma no matter what she needed until her very last breath, and still afterwards. The hospital we welcomed Everson into the world in a little over two years ago is the same hospital I said good-bye to my Grandma in.
Carson, Laney, and Everson, I hope you inherit your Nana's and your Grandma's strength. They are two tough ladies who went through a lot together. Your Nana was a fighter, she fought right to the very end. I can't even fathom some of the things she lived through. She was my hero. I think the five of us are the luckiest family in the world to have had her here with us. She left such a mark on our hearts. Your Nana was strong, fearless, stubborn, hard-headed, tough, loving, thoughtful, and full of faith. I hope you remember and take her with you wherever you go. I know I will.
Mother's Day 2018
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